On Being Romanced.....

I didn't want to read Ch.7 - I took one look at the title "Romanced" and pretty much slammed the door on any further discoveries in the "Captivating" adventure. Up until this point, I was open and willing to embrace the exploration and sometimes painful moments of discovering my own heart. But in no way was i going to indulge in the whole romantic gook. My teen years were over and romance was highly over rated and under evident. Because, to put it frankly, men in general are not romantic. We are. Our female hearts are head over heels for the whole "hero" and rescue operation. So what's the sense. Cause if I have to be the "bigger person" and spell it out then that right there is SO not romantic ! DUH!

So whatever Ch.7 held .... I could do without. I didn't need another reminder of how things are NOT going to be; ever.

But I couldn't help myself.

I have been growing much closer in the Lord and learning how to take my heart to Him first. Learning how to trust Him - because if anyone ever will be trustworthy it will be Him.

And I'm sure it was His gentle touch, His encouraging voice, His knowing smile that led me to open the book again and take a deep breath and advance. I thought to myself "ok Sherry, just get through it - that's all you have to do"

But oh how He knew. This was the chapter I needed most.

Read this:

"Every song you love, every memory you cherish, every moment that has moved you to holy tears has been given to you from the One who has been pursuing you from your first breath in order to win your heart. God's version of flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the form of sunsets and falling stars, moonlight on lakes and cricket symphonies; warm wind, swaying trees, lush gardens, and fierce devotion."

And just like that, six pages into the chapter, the dam broke.

"It will be as if it has been scripted for your heart. He knows what takes your breath away, knows hat makes your heart beat faster. We have missed many of his notes simply because we shut our hearts down in order to endure the pain of life...... we must choose to open our hearts again so that we might hear his whispers, receive his kisses."

Through tears, I was overwhelmed with the realization and it was if a train was rushing by me and on the side of each car was a picture of the treasures in my heart but now I saw them clearly. Not selfishly or in fear of when .... when was God going to take this from me too. But with the fall down on my knees and weep for the fact that He gave each one to me specifically because he loved me. Isn't that what our hearts cry out for ? As a woman, what we want most of all is to be known and loved specifically because of and for who we are. Not for what we do or give to those in our lives. Not for what others can get out of us. But for who we are in the deepest, truest parts. And we don't want to have to stifle it because we are "too much" and yet "not enough".

God loves me just that way. And that is how my "romance" cup can be filled.

And each day now I'm seeing the "moments" in a whole new way. They are more precious than ever before. And I'm not crying inside because I am so afraid that whatever it is will be taken away as seems to have been the theme of my childish heart. The tears are tears of overwhelming joy because now i recognize it as His touch, His kiss, His embrace, His stamp of utter approval for who He created me to be!!!

"The culture of women in the church today is crippled by some very pervasive lies. To be spiritual is to be busy. To be spiritual is to be disciplined. To be spiritual is to be dutiful. No, to be spiritual is to be in a Romance with God. The desire to be romanced lies deep in the heart of every woman. It is for such that you were made. And you are romanced, and ever will be."

I pray I never forget the life changing blessing of Ch.7 and I pray that you discover these truths for yourself and that you too will be Doubley Blessed today :)

Thoughts on "trying harder".....

I have just begun the adventure of a study accompaniment to the book "Captivating", by John & Stasi Eldredge. I invite all women to consider delving into the pages of this "work of heart" with me.

A quote from the book was particularly resounding with me this morning:

"Most of us feel that we are failing in some areas of our lives, maybe even the most important areas. And aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more....the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, don't they - granted only to those women who get their act together. The message to the rest of us - whether from a driven culture or a driven church - is try harder."

This is like the theme song of my whole entire life. Truly. From the time i was a very small girl, I realized in some part of me that I was not enough. And my whole existence has been a never ceasing journey to try harder, be more and maybe, someday, i will finally have someone say to me "wow!" and really feel that I am wonderful enough to want and admire and place value in what I have to say or feel. Instead, it has always been someone else that I have watched and applauded and wished I could be more like them. Quieter, meeker, prettier, thinner/fitter, more successful, more popular. I have never been the girl anyone looked at and said "wow! i want to be more like HER!". Actually, my perception is that i have been a model of fear for many to look at and figure they'd better do something fast so that they never become like me.

As women, the desire that we have in our hearts is to be cherished, "irreplaceable and utterly beautiful". That desire is part of our being made in the image of God. We often think only of God in "male" type of terms. However, both male and female were created in His image. I've wondered what that truly means. And this book addresses that. A woman's heart is a reflection of the image of God. And the desire we have is God-given. If we seek to fill that desire by "trying harder" then the hole in our hearts will never be filled. God never meant for it to be that way. And if that is the truth, then it is a "light bulb" moment for me to embrace that and set this burden down that i have carried for a lifetime.

If i truly believe this, then I am free. I am free to be all that God created me to be, realizing that He already cherishes me and I am irreplaceable to Him and He already sees me as utterly beautiful and wants to have a relationship with me as if I am the only person on earth. And He wants that for every single one of us!

It's going to take me awhile to grasp this. I'm not sure that I really even can. But I want to. Because always striving for a goal that can never be reached makes me feel hopeless!

I pray that you discover who you are, in God's image, as well :) For then you will be Doubley Blessed too!